Juice, Fast!

My friend Lenny shows up in my cubicle this week all bright eyed about a juice cleanse he did and the fact it will be on sale next week. Now, much of my time with Lenny has been spent on a bar stool consuming way too much alcohol for someone my size and age, so to hear him talking up health and wellness is not what I would normally expect. I’m used to him waving bartenders over and convincing me I need more gin, not trying to talk me into cleansing my system.

But Lenny is very persuasive. I first took a look at the site for Juicd Life, did a little more searching around the internet learning about what it means “to juice”. If you don’t know, it’s all the rage. You buy 6 little bottles of cold pressed juice and that is ALL you consume for the entire day. (The bottles do not seem so little by the 5th one.)

Did you know there are 24 reasons to juice? I didn’t. But the girl at Juicd Life was happy to share them with me. I asked for the one day cleanse and she looked quite concerned. “Oh, you won’t see any results with a one day cleanse.” Apparently there is magic to a three day cleanse, plus I am the type of person who should always stay away from salespeople. All sales tactics work on me.

So I loaded up my cute shopping bag with what appeared to be 758 pounds of juice and rushed home, because the liquid was so precious it must be refrigerated immediately. Another concerned employee asked how far I had to go and did I need some ice perhaps? Since the bag only contained two days worth of juice and my arm was already breaking, I declined the ice and just drove a little more quickly. (Why only two days? Because if I took all three days worth my juice would expire before I could consume it. Egad.)

The next morning I was full of excitement with my first juice. Having done a little research I was happy this particular regimen included two protein “juices”  – almond milk, dates, local honey, and rice protein. Technically not a juice? Perhaps.

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Wow. Talk about sweet. Maybe because I typically don’t have anything sweet in the morning, but this felt like I was eating a spoonful of sugar.

By the time I dropped the kids off at school and go to my desk it was time for my second juice:

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This one I liked – I’m a fan of green drinks overall and this was yummy. You’ll notice I was also drinking green tea in my Bookman’s mug there – I needed something to cut all the sweetness! And green tea is an antioxidant, is it not?

Not kidding it felt like I just finished that juice and was on to the next.

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Carrot and ginger. Yum. You’ll see, however, that my phone is off the hook, which means my headset is on, which means I’m on a conference call. I actually planned this poorly because I had back-to-back calls for 3 straight hours. And I consumed 48 ounces of juice, 24 ounces of water and some green tea.  On one of the calls I honestly was wondering what would happen if my bladder exploded right there at my desk. Would I be airlifted? Would I have to finish the remaining calls from a helicopter?

Nope, I would run to the restroom and make it back for another call and another juice:

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I messaged Lenny. This is a lot of juice, I said. Yes, it is. My teeth were starting to hurt.

For my last juice of the day, I decided to take a walk. This time of year in Phoenix is simply awesome. All the annoying Spring Training visitors are gone (love you guys! don’t love the traffic), it’s warm and sunny in the day and the Palo Verde trees are blooming.

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I felt great and vibrant and happy to be outside. I didn’t feel hungry all day and didn’t have any of the negative side effects some people complain about – nausea, fatigue, other symptoms related to detox.

When I got home I immediately brushed my teeth because they felt so incredibly weird. I got out my final protein non-juice and started drinking. I felt hungry. It was sweet and cloying and I couldn’t drink it. I made dinner for the boys and tried to choke down my drink.

Granted, I am not currently in the best mental state for will power. And frankly I don’t care about proving anything to anyone. And I love food so much. So when it started to become more and more stressful to drink the final, non-pictured juice I gave in.

The night before Joe made this delicious brown rice pasta with peas. I heated up a bowl and it might have been the most beautiful food I’ve ever consumed. So I had one more bowl.

The next day I repeated the juicing during the day and ate dinner that night. I’m kinda fine with that, considering. Lenny called me a pussy, and I’m kinda fine with that too.

I will continue to buy a juice or two from this lovely little establishment. At this juncture a juice cleanse/fast is not really the best thing for me. I’m old enough to both love the idea and understand that my body and soul need something a little different right now. Banner Desert Hospital cafeteria will make me a gluten free grilled cheese sandwich for lunch tomorrow, and maybe I’ll have an ice cream for desert. Not necessarily cleansing, but nourishing nonetheless.

(And if you haven’t seen my million Facebook posts, my dad is doing well. He had surgery today, will be in the hospital at least until Friday. More to come on that.)

 

 

 

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